One,two,three,four

In a big mess of my life now, fml.
Life seems to be getting worse (for me).
Not just physically tired, but also mentally.

The stress that my parents gave me is really too much for me now.
Then the relationship problem that made me so short tempered lately.
How I wish, I can just stay out of this fuckedup world.
Supposedly, im excited for the new school.
But every single day, without fail.
My parents will ask me to study, like NO BOOKS HOW TO STUDY?!
Let me rest until the day my school starts then i'll study.
Its really getting on my nerves, at times.
They will call and ask me to study even at their workplace. Fml.

Don't wanna talk about how bad my relationship had been, cos' Im going through a great hardship now.
And no one is helping me out.
Im just pretending, pretending and pretending to be happy.
But, I came to realize; I'm not happy at all, never.
I'm really tired of pretending for so long.
Happy? No.
Sad? Yes.
I'm not giving up on anything, cos' I know it will work out.
With this positive mindset to set me thinking.
But as days goes, it's a little hard not to think of the negative thoughts too.

I need someone to tell me, "everything's gonna be fine. You will work out well."
But that someone doesn't seem to be there anymore.
I hide all my emotions so i can at least try to stay happy.
I talked and laughed doesn't mean i'm happy, but because I don't want people to be drag in and spoil their mood too.
I choose not to say how stressed up I've been because I only can blame myself for not working hard enough.
I've been spending alot money, not because I want to.
Because I want to make myself feel happier and not think about any unhappy things.

And to my dear boy,
every 25th is a special day to me.
Even if we quarrel, and our relationship turns sour.
I'll still remember the 25th and the greeaatest memory you gave me.
Sorry, but everything's my fault for now.

I need to have some quiet space.
Don't read this post if you're not interested.
i'm just ranting, cos' i have been suppressing too much.